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My Core Self Love Rules and Unconscious Seeds
Charles Mendler, MS, LMHC, CCHt By Charles Mendler, MS, LMHC, CCHt YOU ARE THE LIGHT IN YOUR LIFE I devised these for myself and for you. You may want to resist several or all of these, thinking this is a bit too much to think about yourself. You may find one or two trigger you, and I encourage you to consider this as a sign that you have come to the right place. Everything I make is with good intentions for whomever has reached out or is in search of answers. Whether one knows there is self love within them or not, it is there, but it is often tough love. We want to keep our love balanced, as best as we can, for we owe this to ourselves. Whether you know it now, or you evolve towards knowing it later, the closest people within your life are the ones who do their best to give you their 100 percent truth, and we owe this same type of effort for ourselves. When you think of who your closest people are, and you question the "100 percent truth," these rules will make a lot of sense, quickly. We have to be honest about what we need to improve upon, but we also have to be honest about what we have been able to accomplish and survive. All survivors are strong, and these self love rules are meant to help anyone in search of the answers within them. You are the one who has all the answers to all your questions about your existence, and my aim is to help you ask yourself better questions. No one is perfect, but this is your life, and you have the right to make it worth it. A big part of feeling better about your life is setting better boundaries, and these rules are meant to help with this, starting with you setting better boundaries within yourself. You are the one who your thoughts belong to, and no one else has ever walked in your same exact footsteps. This life belongs to you, and it is up to you as you pursue exactly what you want from you. I reference these rules as "Unconscious Seeds" because these rules are mantras which will continue to work within you, even after you read this entry, for they make complete sense, as you gradually allow each one to work it's way deep into your unconscious mind. We have a conscious and an unconscious mind, and there is so much potential, ability, and power stored up within us, once we stop blocking our evolution. So often, one will stop thinking and feeling their life can be better than what it is because of false teachings passed on to them. These seeds are for you and no one else. These seeds do not belong to those who have hurt you. Survivors are strong, and I encourage you to open your mind to these 8 truths I have listed and described below. I ask you take a deep breath in, hold it until you get a first tiny bit of discomfort, and release it. Let's make room for what's good for you, meaning we are letting go of what no longer works for you. No One Loves You More Than You Love You This does not mean that no one else loves you now, nor does it mean no one else around you loves you. It simply means you are the only one who has walked in your footsteps, has been through exactly what you have been through, and can actually make you do what you need to do for you. You are the only one within your mind, body, and soul. Once you can embrace that no one can love you more than you love you, you will find it gets easier to have the love around you that you want around you. You will find love being easier for you, and you will sense when someone has or does not have good intentions for you. The ones with bad intentions are ones who have yet to embrace this rule. It is hard to imagine someone loving themselves while also intentionally harming others. I don't think so. With this rule being understood, you may find you need a lot less, and you will also know that you can expect to have more of what truly works for you. You Can Be Your Addiction You can rise above all restrictions to your existence, knowing you can be your own addiction. This means you can become addicted to doing what is good for you. Does this mean you are then becoming a narcissist? No. Doing what is good for you will include you being kind and generous to the individuals around you who are good for you. You are the one in charge of what goes in your body, so yes, you can accept the challenge and resistance of facing against chemical addictions, knowing you are becoming more and more addicted to what is good for your mind, your body, and your soul. You are the one in control of you and what you do for you, and this includes what you choose to allow to go inside of you. It does not matter what others do or say. You are the one in control today, and every other day, moving forward, as you move towards an understanding that you get to pick and choose and be choosy who and what you have around you. You're living, you're breathing, and your heart is beating. Be addicted to these facts. You have the right to be here, and you have already shown you can survive here. Letting go of your addictions will enable you to know what you are fully capable of. You can be your addiction, and you can rise above all restrictions and afflictions. You get to pick and choose and be choosy with you. It is your life, and it is your life to live. To yourself, be willing to give. You Have To Love What You Have To Do What you have to do represents you. Yes, it does represent you, for you can have so many great ideas and plans for yourself, but without following through with them, you will find it is hard to believe in your own dreams. Loving what you have to do means you know you can wait to do what you TRULY LOVE TO DO, for WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO has to get done. When we have done what we have to do, we can really enjoy what we love to do, without hearing any complaints from anyone, including ourselves. We all procrastinate, at times, or all the time, honestly, but this is something that can be faced and replaced with you knowing this resistance can and will lead to further evolution. You are the light in your life, and you deserve to feel good about crossing things off your to do list. It is never too late to make a change, pick up that instrument, exercise more, reach out to that friend you lost contact with, get back in school, set better boundaries, start writing that book, get back to writing that book, say no to those who keep taking from you, block the ones who have hurt you, confront your abusers or takers you have survived, or simply get back to doing you at all times. I encourage you to embrace your thoughts belong to you. We can't control what thoughts come in, but when they do, they are ours, and we can wiggle them around to make them make sense. The only thing that makes sense is you doing what you have to do, which is doing what you need to do, leading to you believing in you, as you pursue exactly what you want from you. You Are The One In Control You are the one who your thoughts belong to, and you are the one who owns your choices. You are also the one who carries the emotions that you are feeling now and always. What we do represents who we are. If we tell someone we will change, they will never believe us unless we show them the change. This equation is the same within our own minds. We are the ones in control today, tomorrow, and every other day. While there may have been times in which control was take from us, we are living, breathing, and our heart is beating. We survived all of that, and today is is up to us to embrace It Does Not Matter What Others Do Or Say, We Are The Ones In Control. Feel this within your mind, body, and soul. Whoever Has Hurt You Has Lied To You If you are holding back on doing what is good for you, or you are holding back on what makes you happy, it would be good for you to assess who taught you this. We learn from great teachers and awful ones. We learn from leaders and people who are encouraging our light, but we also learned from the takers of our innocence, the bullies, the sociopaths, false profits, and those who are simply dark within their mind, body, and soul. If whoever hurt you told you that you can't do what you would love to do, embrace this as being an essential truth. Whoever has hurt you has lied to you. Abusers lie with their words and their actions. Anyone who has physically harmed you, for no reason, lied to you by showing you that you deserve pain and that you do not have the right to defend yourself. Anyone who said hurtful things to you, only to make you feel bad about who you are, taught you that you deserve to have mean things said to you and that you should never feel comfortable about your own thoughts. Anyone who violated your physical space and forced sexual acts onto you, taught you that you do not have the right to treat your body like the temple it is. These abusive acts taught many things, and all of these teachings are lies. You have the right to be here and strive here. You have the right to set boundaries and decide who you want in your life. You have the right to treat your body like gold, and you have the right to have pleasure. You have the right to choose when others are allowed to touch your body. Your body belongs to you, and so do your thoughts and emotions. Your choices belong to you, and I encourage you to choose to accept how "Whoever has hurt you has lied to you." There is a whole world out there waiting for you, if you have not noticed, up to now. Take a deep breath in, and let it out. Let your continued breath enable you to break ties to the lies associated with the ones who chose to hurt you. Take a deep breath, and take one again. Push the negative out, and pull the positive in. Give To The Givers, and Set Boundaries With The Takers It is a Hellified Whirlwind in which we are living in. So many are doomed before they could even begin. You are here, so you have survived everything leading up to this moment, right here and right now. How you got here, I do not know, but you are here. As a survivor of severe trauma, I chose a path in which others could confide in me. I have broken my chains, and my purpose on this planet is to help others break free. Give from within, within this Hellified Whirlwind we are living in, which means you are kind to those who have never done anything negative towards you, and you begin setting boundaries with the ones who have. So often, people carry anger out into the world because of what is happening within their home, but if you hate the world out there, the world will absolutely hate you back. We can never justify inflicting pain onto the innocent, regardless of any of the pages within our story. If you have, stop. We can never justify inflicting pain. Those choices are yours, and you are the only one to be blamed. Be kind to those who are kind to you, but also be kind to the world around you. This does not mean you walk around giving away your things, doing everyone else's work at your job, or you never ever cut into traffic to get to work. Not at all. It simply means you will gradually start building up your support network by being kind to the givers in your life, learning to set boundaries with the takers in your life, and embrace your ability to improve the vibrations you carry within you and around others. You are the light within your life, you have made it through all the dark times within your life, you have the right to be here and thrive here, and you have the right to cut the ties to the lies associated with whatever has been done to you. Walk with strength and pride, and never allow your good inside to hide, no more. You Have To Love Every Part Of you You have to love every part of you, even that part about you which makes you doubt you. If there is a part of you which makes you doubt you, imagine you bringing that part of you over to you now. Let's make that part of you about you. This does not mean you are perfect, but it is your life, so you have to know you are worth it. If this thought is a challenge for you, lean into this resistance, knowing this thought will be quite easy, once you love every part of you. Whatever this part is to you, it is a part of you. This part of you can be improved or enhanced, in most cases. If your insecurity about this part stems from your story, or your trauma, I encourage you to embrace your trauma is you. It was never your fault what was done to you, but you have survived everything leading up to this moment. Survivors often leave a special part of them behind, when enduring trauma, but it is never too late to go back and pick it back up. I encourage you to imagine a mirror of you a head of you, but this mirror image of you is the Ideal You. You know, the You who you would love to be, if only things had gone the way you dreamed. It looks like you, but this you knows something you don't know. This you may appear stronger, leaner, smarter, and more confident. Maybe this you dresses better, communicates with potential partners with ease, and is able to set boundaries with toxic family and perceived friends. Maybe this you is intimidating to you, but guess what.....? It is you, so now, close your eyes and imagine yourself walking right into this mirror. This is you, and it is who you will become, when you are ready to embrace you and what you are capable of doing. You will find this so much easier, as you embrace the strength it took for you to get here. We no longer have to hold back on any part of us, due to trauma, knowing all parts align, as we embrace our trauma story is our story. We own the pages in this book, and we are here today. You are here today. Embrace you, and accept you are already the evolved version of you. Abundance may not be around you, yet, but once you are more and more accepting of who powerful you are, do believe you will struggle running away from having everything you want. Your abilities and talents have caught up to you. Embrace you, Love You, and be open to your evolution. Wherever there is resistance, there is a chance for your growth and evolution. Embrace Your Amazing This is not a typo. When you make it through a trauma maze, there is an amazing quality you learned. The tougher the maze, the stronger the quality. Trauma victims leave something behind, back in the maze, upon their abuse, and within a survivor's healing, he or she will be able to tap back into this hidden valuable resource. Survivors of severe trauma, stemming back from childhood, may have multiple mazes that must be solved, but the good news is he or she has already made it through each maze, for we have all survived everything we have ever faced, leading up to this moment right here. When someone endures childhood trauma, the maze of this trauma, if untreated, will carry into the next stage of the child's development, and this will carry all the way into adulthood. Never understanding what you have survived will lead to constant struggles with peers, family members, and within love relationships. Solving these mazes can take a great amount of work, but it well worth it, for the survivor will be able to tap into the deep strength it took for he or she to be here today. There are amazing qualities within the mazes, stored deep down, where the trauma took place.
Your New Baseline. Breakups are tough, but they happen for a reason.
Charles Mendler, MS, LMHC, CCHt I would like you to imagine yourself looking over the edge of a mountain, looking down upon a maze. While paying closer attention to your breath, I would like you to accept the pull of gravity, enabling you to feel grounded while going further into this reading. As you breath in and out, think of you tapping into your inner energy, stemming from your story and what you have survived up until today. You have survived everything you can think of, with regards to your memories of your life, including your ex and that relationship. I reference your looking down because you had to climb the mountain, so that you could get away from what no longer made sense to you. Your toxic relationship had you confused about who you are. You lost something about you. You felt lost, as though your partner told you to go left when you should have gone right. At times, you feeling lost was acceptable because you knew you were doing the best you could to help your partner get right again. Over time, however, you realized you could not stay in this maze any longer. You realized how many times you had to go back the way you came, so that you can try again to find yourself, while also carrying someone else on your back. You have grown quite strong from this process, but back then, your strength was pushed to the limit. You are now looking down upon this time, knowing you have survived, but also knowing your partner will be calling for you to come back down to help, to have one more "special moment," or some other reason, attempting to tap into your empathy, your light, your compassion, and your love. I reference you looking down because you have grown from your survival, and you looking down represents you looking back at the former life you had. A life in which you felt uncomfortable, confused, and made to feel you had to hold back on "Your Amazing." See, for every maze you have survived, you obtained an amazing. This does not mean the same as "you are amazing," but after you finish reading this, I would like you to look in the mirror and say this to yourself. Your partner will probably try again, seeing if you will fall back into the maze. Those with an amazing draw the attention of "The Takers" in the world. A life filled with taking means you never really grew anything of your own, and it means the individual has yet to heal from their own mazes. Takers can't help but try to take from the givers, but this does not mean you ever have to consider it. You have the right to stay right where you are. You have the right to stay right where you are. If you are reading this, as someone who came out of a toxic, abuse, violent, or unfulfilling relationship, embrace you will never feel good about going back to a place where you cannot be you. You will never feel amazing going back to a time where you never felt amazing. You will never feel good giving away "Your Amazing." You have the right to stay where you are. If you are someone who broke away from a relationship where you were simply not satisfied, embrace your right to not give any more chances. Is it because your partner never works? You do not have to go back. Is it because your partner needs counseling and refuses to go? You do not have to go back. Is it because you are experiencing compassion fatigue, due to your partner making you the counselor, while also saying he or she does not need counseling? You do not have to go back. I am asking you to go back to the breath Let gravity remind you Each and every time you Feel conflicted about what is right for you Embrace the survivor within you You have the right to say "No" If you do not want to go Don't go You have the right to feel good And make this feeling your addiction As you allow that thought to take hold Embrace you can let go of your affliction If your ex resembles an addiction Look down at this affliction Be honest with zero restrictions Embrace you are your addiction As you are sitting on mountain top, looking down at your ex-relationship, I encourage you to take hold of the following mantra seeds. As you read them, whether you are fully ready to accept them, lean into your resistance for accepting them. You know they make sense for you and can work for you, and now it is time for you to embrace the love you can have for you. Self Love Rules. Whenever you do get that call, tempting you to go back down into what you do not truly want, consider falling back on these self love rules. Embrace these truths about you, and you will let go of ever being around those who are not right for you. Do not settle for anyone who intentionally harms you, betrays you, hits you, or repeatedly lies to you. You have the right to treat yourself how you want others to treat you, and this would involve those who repeatedly hurt you, don't ever deserve you. You deserve you. You deserve you, and once you embrace this, you can turn the other direction, towards your future, and find what is just right for you. Here are my "Self Love Rules" No one will ever love you more than you love you You have to love what you have to do You are your addiction
Embrace "Your Amazing." You have to love every part of you You are the one in control Whoever will hurt you will lie to you It's A Hellified Whirlwind No One Will Love You More Than You Love You- No one else is in your thoughts, carries your emotions, deals with your pain, or gets you up out of bed every day but you. Embrace your love for you, and you will find it easier to find love around you. You Have To Love What You Have To do- Whether you hate or like what you have to do, you have to do it, as what you have to do, represents you. Doing what we have to do is about us embracing we have the right to accomplish what we need to accomplish and be who we were meant to be. You Are Your Addiction- Be open to gradually, or abruptly, letting go of what you do not need in your life. You can separate yourself from the toxic ones in your life by embracing your life is your addiction. Do for you, and do your best to keep doing what is for you and not against you. You can choose to use and abuse yourself, and you can choose to say no to the abuse towards you. Make your health and mental health your addiction. Embrace "Your Amazing"- For every traumatic event you have survived, there is a special gift within you, and if you are not aware of this gift, consider engaging in some deep trauma work and clinical hypnotherapy. We will go find it. Actually, you will find it, and as you are on your search, my voice with go with you. You Have To Love Every Part Of You- You have to love every part of you, even the parts about you which make you doubt you. For any of those parts, be open to facing them, and embrace you cannot hide from them. All parts of you are you. Accept what you can control and what cannot be controlled. Improve what can be improved, and embrace you. You Are The One in Control- It does not matter what others do or say, you are the one in control today. It is essential we embrace what we can and cannot control, and always know you can control what you do. You can choose to do things to help you, or you can choose to give your energy to others first. You can choose to hurt you, and you can choose to let others hurt you, but you can also choose to turn and walk in the other direction. You can make any essential correction at any time. Whoever will hurt you will lie to you- If you are a victim of any form of abuse, embrace the ones who hurt you lied by showing that you deserve to be harmed. You do not deserve to be harmed. If your ex intentionally caused pain to you, embrace this relationship carries lies within it, and you can let go of any false teaching that rests within you. It's a Hellified Whirlwind- So many are doomed before they could even begin, within this Hellified Whirlwind we are in. I choose to give from within, which means I do not give to those who have taken from me. I set very clear boundaries with them, or I cut them off. This is my right. The givers have the right to no longer allow the takers to take from them. Give to those who have never taken from you, and set boundaries with those who have. Allow these self love seeds to start growing deep within you. If you read through these a couple times, each day if you can, you will remember to apply them to your life. All of these make sense, and in time, all of these will be accepted. You have the right to be happy, and if you feel happier now than when you were with your ex, allow happiness to be the new addiction. You are the addiction, and if happiness is what you want, let go of what made you unhappy. You have the right to do you, so do. If you ex starts yelling up to you, from deep down within the maze, use these self love rules to remind you of your new baseline. You have the right to be here. Be aware of your choice to keep climbing, far away from what you left behind. We can always come back to learn about ourselves, but we will not find our happiness behind us.
Remaining In Control Within A Country Losing It!
With so much madness happening within our country today, many question whether things will continue to get worse, and it is understandable that many have this concern. What do we know? What do we control? Does it come down to an election change, or are our issues running far deeper than politics? Has the polarization of issues such as masks, race, inequality, science, and violence been incited with intention? Are any of the conspiracy theories real? Who can we believe? What can we control? Who is a danger to us? Can we trust any politician? Are the vaccines safe to take? Why is my family supporting him? Why are they mad I support who I support? Can I trust my family? Why would the vaccines be considered unsafe? What can we control? What is truly within our control? WHAT CAN YOU CONTROL? WHAT DO YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL OF WITHIN YOUR LIFE? This is a common question I ask my clients. While surviving in a world where there is so much out of your control, YOUR BREATH is something you can control. Putting a focus on our breath can be very soothing. You are breathing, so there is hope. You are surviving within the madness, and survivors are strong. Putting a focus on our breath? Yes. If you have already tried meditation, self hypnosis, or other forms of relaxation and self soothing, you already know what I am talking about. For those who question the value of putting a focus on your breath, do not feel bad about what you have not already learned, as we only know what we know. We do not know until we do, and with regards to putting a focus on our breath, many minimize their own ability to breath peace and comfort to themselves. You are not alone. We never think about our breath unless we can see it, can't catch it, or we feel we have lost it. Within these crazy COVID times, many have learned from a very traumatic experience and battle, while many others knew their time was nearing the end because of their inability to breath. Putting a focus on your breath, and engaging in daily meditations, has shown to be very helpful for our mental and physical health, and offering yourself a safe space, involving both privacy and time, can also be seen as a very spiritual experience. Putting a focus on our breath, while giving our conscious stress a break, reminds us we have the ability to put our focus on ourselves for at least that moment, and it can bring tremendous relief. Within this world we are living in, this Hellified Whirlwind we are living in, it feels so much better to give from within. This is a phrase I use often, and I am offering more of an explanation of what it means. If I am asked what I have control of within my life, I say "how I treat those who have caused me harm and the ones who have never caused me any." We really are unable to justify inflicting pain on someone who has never ever caused us pain. We have full control over our actions. WE CAN CONTROL WHAT WE SAY AND DO. Thoughts come through our minds so rapidly, we do not have full control over what comes in, but we do have control over what we do with our thoughts and emotions. For some, this may seem untrue or simply too hard to accept, but accepting our ability to choose is essential within our survival within this world we are all living in. Being 100 percent accountable for our actions is a form of self love, as it shows we are truly honest with ourselves and others, and it enables us to require only the truth from others we interact with. YOU WILL FIND YOU EXPERIENCE FAR LESS STRESS AND ANXIETY WITHIN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU ARE CONSISTENTLY ATTEMPTING TO BE HONEST WITHIN YOURSELF AND WITH WHAT YOU SAY TO OTHERS
You Have To Love Everything About You
YOU have to love everything about YOU Because if you hide a part about YOU YOU will have doubts about YOU YOU HAVE TO Love everything about YOU And this does not mean you are a perfect YOU If there is a part about YOU That makes you doubt YOU Go to that part about YOU And make that part about YOU YOU can keep on growing this part of YOU Keep on showing YOU what YOU can do YOU can keep on improving This part about YOU Not as strong as the other parts about YOU Which will help improve All the parts of YOU YOU have all the good that you have ever known about YOU Even the parts you have not recently gone to Still stored within YOU Waiting for YOU Your Shadow YOU Will remind YOU Projections are internal corrections Embrace your ability Within your choice selections It is never to late to go back to Something you used to love about YOU It is never too late to Learn how to love everything about YOU
You made it through the maze. Embrace Your Amazing. It belongs to you.
You found yourself in a maze. Such a craze, it seems. You are not sure how to make it through I understand. I do. But maybe it is you who needs to understand too. Maybe it is you who must understand you. It is you who must embrace you and what you can do. EMBRACE YOUR AMAZING! Your confusion within the maze right now May stem from a time when you weren't sure how You could ever make it through The maze laid out for you Back then There was a maze for you You had to fight through You learned to see in the dark Found a way to build warmth Bring fire with a spark The questions you asked were never heard Your senses evolved Your brain problem solved Your favorite answers Came from your word You were taught to hate by the ones who brought pain So love became your answer for you You had to adapt to the pain Calculating in your brain Because your plan was to make it through You were not given instructions how to make it through The instructions had to come from you The best questions always came from you Answers always rest within you You could not be taught By those who carried the curse Who gave up their right and accepted their worst They chose to succumb to the worst of the worst With the light You are one who has broken the curse It is time to EMBRACE YOU'RE AMAZING Time to embrace YOUR AMAZING Your amazing is within as it began back then When you refused to succumb To the minds of the numb You were way to0 smart With investment in the heart You walked right on through You were told you were crazy Insane to face that maze Told you would not be able You had learned on your own Far away from your home Only the weak minds Believed this fable Embrace you are amazing, which means you embrace you have an Amazing About You!
Remind Her Who You Are
Charles Mendler, MS, LMHC, CCHt I am going to share a situation that is so common, with regards to relationships, and with regards to men. We forget who we are, at times, and we must embrace we are doing nobody any good by holding back on who we are. When we find ourselves projecting negativity onto the world around us, it means we know deep down we are holding back on ourselves. The best way for us to feel better about ourselves is for us to remind ourselves who we are. I am not saying this applies to everyone, so if you know you have been consistent with you doing what you need to do for yourself, awesome. If you are someone who knows you have been holding back on yourself, leading to you questioning who you are, what you are doing in your relationship, whether you are safe any longer, or whether she is still feeling you the way she once did, it is time for you to REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!! It is very easy not worrying about anyone else, meaning life can be so much easier when you are not worrying about "what she is doing." When a single guy first meets the woman who is just different than the others he has experienced, meaning he thinks he may have found someone he wants to spend way more time with, it is essential this guy continues to do all the things he was doing when he first met her. If he does not, over time, he loses who he was, and this can then lead to the woman he changed for no longer being into him like she once was. Can we blame her? No. Do we blame her? Sometimes. In the minds of many men, we think we are doing right by giving our special someone more time. We assume this is necessary for us to make her happy, or we assume we have to pull back on being the alpha we were because we are now a "Relationship Guy." These assumptions can cause us to maybe work out less, fall off of our body sculpting diet plan, spend more money than we were spending, stop hanging out with our friends, or stop engaging in the creative outlets that were becoming increasingly meaningful. These were merely some examples, and there are many others which could be used, but it all comes back to the amount of time we assume MUST BE SPENT WITH HER. This woman, who has taken our hearts, is a woman who showed her eager availability to a man who was working out, taking care of his body, showing control with his money, had a cool circle of friends, was often very busy, and showed a unique talent with his creative gifts. If we fall back on any of these things, or any vital things about you that were not mentioned, we not only start to harm ourselves, leading to insecurities and projections, we also stop being that KING our QUEEN invested all of her eggs into. She put all of her eggs into one basket, assuming we would remain the man we were when we met, so we do no justice to ourselves, our woman, or the world when we hold back on anything we once found essential to us. "WHEN WE LOSE OUR WAY, WITHOUT REALIZING WE ARE LOST, WE MAY LOOK TO OUR WOMAN FOR GUIDANCE, BUT NOBODY CAN LEAD US BACK TO OUR PATH BUT OURSELVES" Projections are signs that our unconscious is unsatisfied with where we are, and while these may seem like a bad thing, they aren't at all. These projections, or triggers, are signs that we can still go back to that moment where we left our essential pieces to who we are. Projections, however, can be very ugly to the outside world, and they can often feel very ugly and toxic within us. Jealousy is one of those projections, and we all know jealous feelings never make us feel good about ourselves. When we act on our jealousy, we feel even worse, and it shows the one we love another side to us. It shows a weaker side that may not have been shown going into the relationship. When we feel threatened by someone by someone else, or we feel internally threatened by the unknown individual who we have never seen and do not even know exists, it can mean we no longer think of ourselves the way we once did. If we have been holding back on our self care, aren't exercising, are spending way more than we are making, aren't feeling as close as we once did with our close friends, which is often a wrong assumption, and are no longer putting our unique creative mind into things the world has never heard or seen, we may find ourselves intimidated by a man who is doing all of these things. We may find ourselves jealous of a man who barely does any of these things, but he may present as though he does. We may find ourselves glorifying another man, thinking he has enough juice to take our woman, while our woman has never expressed interest in any way. It is then our jealous actions which may make it even clearer that we are not who we once were, to our woman, but in the mind of a creative who is not creating, he may assume he himself has no understanding of how to get himself back. The unique creative mind creating outside is powerful, but the more powerful it has presented itself on the outside, the more powerful it can destroy you on the inside. Maybe the fears and worries are assumptions, but unless the warnings of our woman are taken, we may inevitably cause our woman to forget who we are as well. Can we blame her? Sure, but is it really her fault? No. We must never forget who we are. If we go into a relationship with a swagger and light that could take over a room, we do nobody any good by holding back on that. When we hold back on who we are, or when a relationship puts us in a place where we experience feelings of fear, one or more of our gifts may have fallen into our SHADOW. The intense fear of being hurt can be traumatic, and even when the fear is unjustified by anything that has specifically happened, it is essential we soothe ourselves, face our triggers, and face our fears, so that the part of us we left behind can be rescued. You are still the man you once were, but you must be willing to back into the SHADOW to rescue the part of you that keeps reminding you what you left behind. Nobody will ever love you more than you love you, and your negative self talk and emotions represent your tough love for yourself because your unconscious refuses to forget who you are. We are our toughest critics, so we must be our strongest ally. Jealousy is creative, and it is common we think and feel things that are not real, especially if the creative is no longer putting their creativity into magic, but sometimes, us forgetting who we are, for too long, can cause us to push away from our vital parts of our relationship. Even the watered down version of us must still abide by the rules and structure of our relationship. The projections and jealousy can lead to us being less attractive, less desirable, and less sex-able by our woman, leading to even more self hate, jealousy, and internal anger. That anger, when not checked, can also lead outward, pushing our woman away forever. These baby tantrums can also land you in jail, causing your dreams to be even further away, but also causing you to potentially making a real shift from who you were. Once we allow our weakness to overflow into physical aggression, we are no longer the man we once were. Our weakness should never lead to someone else feeling our pain. We are the hero in our story until this happens. We still have to carry on, but who knows if we will get back to the path we once had. There is always hope, but inflicting pain because of experienced pain will lead to a more intensified pain and trauma. Never forget their is a light within you, but if your projections and self hate are leading you towards a path where you are considering crossing lines you have never crossed, and breaking laws you would never have considered breaking, the best thing is for you to pull away from the relationship. Work on you, so that you can work, and with you loving yourself more than anyone else can, the relationship can come back. Depending on what has happened, you may never want to go back. With you loving yourself more than anyone else can, you will never fear these things, and without fear, you will know you have embraced the light within you. Always know there is someone to speak with you and help you. I am one of those someones. My name is Charles Mendler, but you can call me Chuck. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and I am an abuse survivor. I will be revisiting this topic often. As I said above... The unique creative mind creating outside is powerful, but the more powerful it has presented itself on the outside, the more powerful it can destroy you on the inside. You Are The One Who Your Thoughts Belong To. Always Think For You, and NEVER AGAINST YOU. This means that once you know you have the light within you, you turning that power inward can be confusingly damaging. If you go into a relationship not questioning yourself, and you begin experiencing negative thoughts and feelings within the relationship, you are being creative against you. When your mind goes against you, and when your mind is creating stories with you as the one being treated poorly or being abused emotionally, embrace your ability to make something magical for you again. Create through the hate, and never procrastinate on creating through the hate. You have the ability to make good from bad and give the world something it has never ever had. If you have turned inward already, or you are in fear of whether this ever happens to you, never give up hope for yourself. The more powerful your destruction has become on the inside, the more magical it will become once brought back to the outside, once you are ready to remember the good within you. Once you remember who you are, it may take time to get fully back to where you were, but you do not have to go back the way you came. You actually cannot go back to where you were because you now have new wisdom from the side step journey you have taken. While this time may not have been your proudest time, your experience from this has brought you wisdom. Your emotions may have been against you, but now, with you beginning to take steps forward in a positive direction, a direction showing that you know, nobody can ever love you more than you love you, embrace you will exceed where you once were. Be open to how you have grown from this traumatic experience, and this has added to what you are able to do moving forward. We learn from our mistakes, and it is better we identify our mistakes as learning experiences. We only know what we know, and our personal journey represents our unique hands on education on how to live. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your lifetime. Whether you know this to be true or not, it is true, because nobody can ever love you more than you love you. Never forget who you are! You have a light within you, and once you know, you can never pretend to not know. There is a light within you.
Wherever There Is Resistance, There Is a Chance For Growth and Evolution
Whenever we get triggered moving forward, there is an opportunity for us to turn back and explore other times and instances in which we felt this why. Why are we feeling this feeling today? Why am I shaking while speaking to a group of team members? Why am I no longer experiencing arousal in the bedroom? Why am I having nightmares again? Why? Why? Why? Why am I now unable to trust my partner? Why am I having issues with driving on the highway? Why am I now unable to eat in public? Why? Why? Why? All of these questions can be found within you. When we are triggered today, there is an opportunity for you to learn more about you. We are unable to move forward without understanding why we stopped moving. If we find we are unable to move forward, knowing it is what we want for ourselves, we can explore within your unconscious mind. We can assist you with bringing light to your shadow. It is essential you let go of what no longer serves you. Whether it be an addiction to a substance, an addiction to a relationship, or an addiction to negative self talk, addictions keep us from being able to explore and find our true potential within our unconscious. So often, the addictions have served us, at one point, because they kept us away from what we felt was worse at the time. Our memories can scare us, so we may find various ways to keep them in our shadow or further down into our unconscious mind. You have the right to be here. You have a right to survive here, but you also have the right to thrive here. Survivors are strong. You have the ability to explore the darkness of your past because you are the one carrying the light. You may have forgotten about it, but it is always there, within you. Others are drawn to it, so it is essential to be mindful of those who attempt to control it. Be mindful of those who stray you away from knowing about your light. Your light is there. You have survived all of your memories, so when upsetting ones come to you, do something that helps to soothe your mind, your body, and your soul. You have the ability to do things that strengthen you when in times of weakness. You are far from weak. Survivors are strong. When upsetting memories come to you, be mindful of your breath and put additional focus to it. You are breathing, so you are living, and you are living because you are a survivor. Let your breath remind you how you have survived everything you remember about your childhood. You have survived everything you have experienced up to this point. Be okay with soothing yourself today, as a way of showing yourself gratitude for what you have been able to do up to this point. You are essentially having an awakening within you. This is your life and you are not giving up because you know you have the right to be here. You also have the right to survive and thrive here. Let your memories and breath remind you of your abilities and power within you. Think back on that younger you with pride. Be open to thanking the child within you for fighting through what he or she had to fight through. You have been fighting for survival your whole life, so be willing to let go of being your own resistance. If you feel like you have been fighting the world and yourself at the same time, embrace how you can align with yourself and be your own ally. Nobody will ever love you more than you love you, and the harder your survival was, the deeper your potential for self love. Allow that thought to marinate within you until you know without a doubt how nobody will ever love you more than you love you.
Follow Your Light Inside, and You Will Never Feel Lost Inside
It may be time for you to take a step into another direction Without worrying about any correction from others Inside your head you have suffered too long Don't overthink the easy things It is time for you to let the world show what it can bring for you as you pursue, exactly what you want from you You let others confide in you and you have loved the way you can slide through Anything you have faced So why do you think your decision would be so out of place at this time Up inside your head you hear your positive rhyme "Take a step closer each day, and you can allow for positive things to say." No longer will you hold back NO MORE Let your good come out from the INSIDE As you ride to your beat right here Nothing seems perfectly clear But you know how good things are here and as you feel it even more As you explore Your capabilities And let all of your reservations BE FREE!! Lay it down No longer you will hold the weight that has no place any longer in your life Now that you have found the knife No need for you to hold back anymore As you get up and walk all across the floor And you are walking with your HEAD UP HIGH HEAD HELD UP HIGH No longer in your head will you ever deny The good that is coming to you This whole wide world Will open up for you Because YOU CHOSE THE GOOD WAY Up inside your head and and in each and every way As you embrace within this world we are living in THIS HELLIFIED Whirlwind we are living in You chose to be giving FROM WITHIN You Are Waking Up The light within you Embrace your awakening NOW LET YOUR CHANGE BEGIN GET USED TO FEELING COMFORTABLE WITHIN YOUR OWN SKIN YOU ARE A SURVIVOR WITHIN THIS WORLD WE ARE IN A SURVIVOR WITHIN THIS HELLIFIED WHIRLWIND WE ARE IN IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE FROM WITHIN
It’s A Hellified World We Are In. It’s A Hellified Whirlwind We Are In
It's a Hellified Whirlwind In which we are living in Trying to survive in So many are doomed before they could even begin within Because it's a Hellified world in which we are in Trying to survive in I choose to be giving from within Within this Hellified world in which we are in You feel so much stronger up inside When you don't allow the good inside to hide No more. Get up and walk across the floor With strength and pride And never allow your good inside to hide Because in this Hellified Whirlwind in which we are in It is so much better to be giving from within
Nobody can ever love you more than you love you.
Some may think this is a controversial thing to say. I have received some confused responses, and I have received opinions that go against this statement. To me, nobody can ever love you as much as you love you. Does this mean that nobody loves you? No. Does it mean nobody will ever love you? No. It means you have the potential to love you more than anyone else can ever love you. It means you have the ability to survive through things. This is evident because you are here with me, and surviving is a form of self love. Getting up every day, preparing yourself for the day, being certain to eat and have your belongings prepared for the day are all examples of self love. Nobody can make you do any of those simple things I just listed. You can be encouraged to by a parent, you can be held accountable by a partner, but it really comes down to you doing what you need to do for yourself for you to get to where you need to go, or from point A to point B. You have survived this world up to this moment, and for you to have done this, you have to have love for yourself, whether you term it as such or not. This statement is meant to challenge you, and it is meant to be a starting point for a more in depth communication, and it is not a statement that you have to fully believe, for now. The intention is to encourage your self exploration and it is to encourage you to embrace how far you have come to be where you are here today. If you question the “how far you have come” statement, within your mind or out loud, I want to also say that the self-criticism is also a form of self love. The statement, Nobody can love you more than you love you, encourages you to explore what you feel you have not done yet for yourself. Your internal criticism stems from YOU knowing YOU can do more than YOU are doing right now. Let’s communicate with this part of you, shall we? Whatever it may be, you can explore right now what you think and feel the next step should be for you to feel as though you are taking steps forward. A mantra I often use is, “As long as you are taking a step forward each day, inside you should allow for good things to say.” - Charles Mendler Giving yourself permission to feel good about the small steps you have taken towards a specific goal is essential. You love yourself, but the love does not always have to be tough love. You want to have a mix of tough and encouraging, strengthening and challenging, and finally, mature and childlike. We want to reward ourselves as though we would reward a child, sometimes. We can act immature at times. So often, many of us may find ourselves whining with someone we care about, or maybe it is you who has to speak whineese because your partner or child continue to use this tactic. We have the right to give in to this tactic, and we have the right to feed the urge to seek a childish form of attention within ourselves. We love ourselves, whether we accept this or not, and us allowing ourselves to reward ourselves for the progress we make is a way for us to heal that inner child within us. Many of us received harsh parenting as children, at times or often, and this can be the reason why we are so harsh on ourselves. Many will say they are their toughest critic, but those who received harsh parenting can often be tougher on themselves more than someone who did not receive the same parenting. This is not always the case, but it is often the case. This does not mean we have to follow the same harsh tactics with ourselves. We have the ability to show “loving love” and not just “tough love” with ourselves. Many of us have endured trauma because of the ones who were supposed to protect us. Enduring abuse and experiencing trauma taught us that it is okay that we hurt or endure pain. For many of us, it taught us that we do not deserve love. Survivors have shown they will do at least the bare minimum to survive. This can mean someone makes sure he or she has a place to stay, eats enough, and attempts to socialize with the outside world. Surviving what we endured shows strength, resiliency, and self love. Doing the bare minimum, after surviving difficult times, shows self love, but it may not feel this way, or be defined this way, because the individual knows he or she is holding back. If any of this relates to you, and you know you are holding yourself back, you knowing there is more for you is a form of self love. Nobody can love you more than you love you. Nobody has the ability to love you as much as you can love yourself. I encourage you to assess what it is you feel you can do to improve the way you treat yourself. I encourage you to be mindful of how you can allow yourself to tap into the child within you and be open to rewarding the child within you. This does not mean for you to spend all of your money or be reckless with your body, but it does mean you take some time to remind yourself of what you used to love doing. Be open to creating again. Be open to dancing again. Be open to laughing again. Be open to loving again, but let’s start with you feeling good about you saying you love yourself. I encourage you to be open to telling yourself in the mirror, while looking directly in your eyes, “nobody can ever love you more than I love you.”
Relax, My Friend. One thing at a time.
Relax my friend One thing at a time You will feel a little better By the end of this rhyme Relax my friend I give you the right To tell yourself It will be alright Relax, my friend One thing at a time You will feel a little better By the end of this rhyme
You have the right to be here
I am not sure what brought you to this page. Maybe you are searching for answers. You are searching for support, or maybe you are searching for someone who understands. I have had my dark days, and I have had to battle depression in my lifetime. It can make you stay in bed too long, call in to work when you need the money, avoid phone calls or text messages, and forget about your daily responsibilities. When dealing with depression, the only time you may feel able to truly show how you feel is when you are alone, and when you are alone, you may find yourself searching for answers. Suicide Prevention Lifelinesuicidepreventionlifeline.org Lifeline Chat - Suicide Prevention Lifelinesuicidepreventionlifeline.org › chat You are not alone. There is always someone you can talk to, 24/7. "This is your life You are not giving up This is your life You are not giving up It is your right You are not giving up Because you have the right to be here" You do. It is true. You do have the right to be here, and you know this, and this is why you are here. You may have just been searching for a page that matches your feelings, and the specific phrase or statements you used brought here. How long have you been feeling this way? When was the first time you felt feelings of depression or feelings of guilt and shame? If you mind goes back to when you were a child or a teenager, please pay attention, read, and reread what I am going to share with you. Whoever has hurt you has lied to you. Who ever made you feel your life is not worth living has lied to you. As a survivor of abuse, I was taught early that I did not matter. I was taught I did not deserve to feel safe, and I learned early that I did not live in a safe world. We do live in an unsafe world, and you have been a survivor within this unsafe world. You were lied to by the ones who chose to hurt you and told you that you couldn't do what you wanted to do or be happy. You deserved to be treated with love and respect, and you should have been taught to love yourself. Those who abuse their children have a difficult time doing this because it is hard to imagine a child abuser who loves themselves. Anyone who can hurt you can lie to you. You have survived this long, and it is time for you to challenge the distortions caused by those who abused you and failed you. If you feel alone now, whether because of a break up, friends abandoning you, or you just not feeling as though you fit in anywhere, embrace how you have been able to survive while alone for most of your life. Nobody is in your mind but you. Nobody can tell you more about who you are than you. Nobody can ever love you more than you love yourself. You were taught at some point that you do not deserve love from others, or you were taught it was okay for you to be harmed. These lessons came from someone who seriously and selfishly hurt you, and... Whoever CAN hurt you Will lie to you Whoever HAS hurt you Lied to you Whoever WILL hurt you Will Lie to you too Whoever told you You cannot do HAS LIED TO YOU ABUSERS LIE That is what they do Remember, whoever has intentionally caused you harm has also lied to you. They lied with the act of abuse, teaching you that you deserve to be harmed, but they also lied by treating you in a way that taught you that you do not deserve to be happy. You were taught not to believe in your full potential. Abusers Lie. It is what they do. Whoever has said you cannot do has lied to you. This is your life, and it is your life to live. To yourself, be willing to give. Give yourself a chance. You deserve to be here. Be open to talking things through, contact a trained professional, and be open to talking through what you have survived in your lifetime. YOU ARE NOT WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS DONE TO YOU. You have survived the ones who harmed you because you are here. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!! This means you are strong!! You have fought for this long. Be open to letting go of the weight associated with what others think or feel. You have a right to be heard. You have the right to be here!!! Suicide Prevention Lifelinesuicidepreventionlifeline.org Lifeline Chat - Suicide Prevention Lifelinesuicidepreventionlifeline.org › chat You are not alone. There is always someone you can talk to, 24/7. Charles Mendler, MS, LMHC, CCHt