My Core Self Love Rules and Unconscious Seeds

Updated: Oct 14, 2021

Charles Mendler, MS, LMHC, CCHt


I devised these for myself and for you. You may want to resist several or all of these, thinking this is a bit too much to think about yourself. You may find one or two trigger you, and I encourage you to consider this as a sign that you have come to the right place. Everything I make is with good intentions for whomever has reached out or is in search of answers. Whether one knows there is self love within them or not, it is there, but it is often tough love. We want to keep our love balanced, as best as we can, for we owe this to ourselves. Whether you know it now, or you evolve towards knowing it later, the closest people within your life are the ones who do their best to give you their 100 percent truth, and we owe this same type of effort for ourselves. When you think of who your closest people are, and you question the "100 percent truth," these rules will make a lot of sense, quickly. We have to be honest about what we need to improve upon, but we also have to be honest about what we have been able to accomplish and survive. All survivors are strong, and these self love rules are meant to help anyone in search of the answers within them. You are the one who has all the answers to all your questions about your existence, and my aim is to help you ask yourself better questions. No one is perfect, but this is your life, and you have the right to make it worth it.

A big part of feeling better about your life is setting better boundaries, and these rules are meant to help with this, starting with you setting better boundaries within yourself. You are the one who your thoughts belong to, and no one else has ever walked in your same exact footsteps. This life belongs to you, and it is up to you as you pursue exactly what you want from you.

I reference these rules as "Unconscious Seeds" because these rules are mantras which will continue to work within you, even after you read this entry, for they make complete sense, as you gradually allow each one to work it's way deep into your unconscious mind. We have a conscious and an unconscious mind, and there is so much potential, ability, and power stored up within us, once we stop blocking our evolution. So often, one will stop thinking and feeling their life can be better than what it is because of false teachings passed on to them. These seeds are for you and no one else. These seeds do not belong to those who have hurt you. Survivors are strong, and I encourage you to open your mind to these 8 truths I have listed and described below. I ask you take a deep breath in, hold it until you get a first tiny bit of discomfort, and release it. Let's make room for what's good for you, meaning we are letting go of what no longer works for you.

No One Loves You More Than You Love You

This does not mean that no one else loves you now, nor does it mean no one else around you loves you. It simply means you are the only one who has walked in your footsteps, has been through exactly what you have been through, and can actually make you do what you need to do for you. You are the only one within your mind, body, and soul. Once you can embrace that no one can love you more than you love you, you will find it gets easier to have the love around you that you want around you. You will find love being easier for you, and you will sense when someone has or does not have good intentions for you. The ones with bad intentions are ones who have yet to embrace this rule. It is hard to imagine someone loving themselves while also intentionally harming others. I don't think so. With this rule being understood, you may find you need a lot less, and you will also know that you can expect to have more of what truly works for you.

You Can Be Your Addiction

You can rise above all restrictions to your existence, knowing you can be your own addiction. This means you can become addicted to doing what is good for you. Does this mean you are then becoming a narcissist? No. Doing what is good for you will include you being kind and generous to the individuals around you who are good for you. You are the one in charge of what goes in your body, so yes, you can accept the challenge and resistance of facing against chemical addictions, knowing you are becoming more and more addicted to what is good for your mind, your body, and your soul. You are the one in control of you and what you do for you, and this includes what you choose to allow to go inside of you. It does not matter what others do or say. You are the one in control today, and every other day, moving forward, as you move towards an understanding that you get to pick and choose and be choosy who and what you have around you. You're living, you're breathing, and your heart is beating. Be addicted to these facts. You have the right to be here, and you have already shown you can survive here. Letting go of your addictions will enable you to know what you are fully capable of. You can be your addiction, and you can rise above all restrictions and afflictions. You get to pick and choose and be choosy with you. It is your life, and it is your life to live. To yourself, be willing to give.

You Have To Love What You Have To Do

What you have to do represents you. Yes, it does represent you, for you can have so many great ideas and plans for yourself, but without following through with them, you will find it is hard to believe in your own dreams. Loving what you have to do means you know you can wait to do what you TRULY LOVE TO DO, for WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO has to get done. When we have done what we have to do, we can really enjoy what we love to do, without hearing any complaints from anyone, including ourselves. We all procrastinate, at times, or all the time, honestly, but this is something that can be faced and replaced with you knowing this resistance can and will lead to further evolution. You are the light in your life, and you deserve to feel good about crossing things off your to do list. It is never too late to make a change, pick up that instrument, exercise more, reach out to that friend you lost contact with, get back in school, set better boundaries, start writing that book, get back to writing that book, say no to those who keep taking from you, block the ones who have hurt you, confront your abusers or takers you have survived, or simply get back to doing you at all times. I encourage you to embrace your thoughts belong to you. We can't control what thoughts come in, but when they do, they are ours, and we can wiggle them around to make them make sense. The only thing that makes sense is you doing what you have to do, which is doing what you need to do, leading to you believing in you, as you pursue exactly what you want from you.

You Are The One In Control

You are the one who your thoughts belong to, and you are the one who owns your choices. You are also the one who carries the emotions that you are feeling now and always. What we do represents who we are. If we tell someone we will change, they will never believe us unless we show them the change. This equation is the same within our own minds. We are the ones in control today, tomorrow, and every other day. While there may have been times in which control was take from us, we are living, breathing, and our heart is beating. We survived all of that, and today is is up to us to embrace It Does Not Matter What Others Do Or Say, We Are The Ones In Control. Feel this within your mind, body, and soul.

Whoever Has Hurt You Has Lied To You

If you are holding back on doing what is good for you, or you are holding back on what makes you happy, it would be good for you to assess who taught you this. We learn from great teachers and awful ones. We learn from leaders and people who are encouraging our light, but we also learned from the takers of our innocence, the bullies, the sociopaths, false profits, and those who are simply dark within their mind, body, and soul. If whoever hurt you told you that you can't do what you would love to do, embrace this as being an essential truth. Whoever has hurt you has lied to you. Abusers lie with their words and their actions. Anyone who has physically harmed you, for no reason, lied to you by showing you that you deserve pain and that you do not have the right to defend yourself. Anyone who said hurtful things to you, only to make you feel bad about who you are, taught you that you deserve to have mean things said to you and that you should never feel comfortable about your own thoughts. Anyone who violated your physical space and forced sexual acts onto you, taught you that you do not have the right to treat your body like the temple it is. These abusive acts taught many things, and all of these teachings are lies. You have the right to be here and strive here. You have the right to set boundaries and decide who you want in your life. You have the right to treat your body like gold, and you have the right to have pleasure. You have the right to choose when others are allowed to touch your body. Your body belongs to you, and so do your thoughts and emotions. Your choices belong to you, and I encourage you to choose to accept how "Whoever has hurt you has lied to you." There is a whole world out there waiting for you, if you have not noticed, up to now. Take a deep breath in, and let it out. Let your continued breath enable you to break ties to the lies associated with the ones who chose to hurt you.

Take a deep breath, and take one again. Push the negative out, and pull the positive in.

Give To The Givers, and Set Boundaries With The Takers

It is a Hellified Whirlwind in which we are living in. So many are doomed before they could even begin. You are here, so you have survived everything leading up to this moment, right here and right now. How you got here, I do not know, but you are here. As a survivor of severe trauma, I chose a path in which others could confide in me. I have broken my chains, and my purpose on this planet is to help others break free. Give from within, within this Hellified Whirlwind we are living in, which means you are kind to those who have never done anything negative towards you, and you begin setting boundaries with the ones who have. So often, people carry anger out into the world because of what is happening within their home, but if you hate the world out there, the world will absolutely hate you back. We can never justify inflicting pain onto the innocent, regardless of any of the pages within our story. If you have, stop. We can never justify inflicting pain. Those choices are yours, and you are the only one to be blamed. Be kind to those who are kind to you, but also be kind to the world around you. This does not mean you walk around giving away your things, doing everyone else's work at your job, or you never ever cut into traffic to get to work. Not at all. It simply means you will gradually start building up your support network by being kind to the givers in your life, learning to set boundaries with the takers in your life, and embrace your ability to improve the vibrations you carry within you and around others. You are the light within your life, you have made it through all the dark times within your life, you have the right to be here and thrive here, and you have the right to cut the ties to the lies associated with whatever has been done to you. Walk with strength and pride, and never allow your good inside to hide, no more.

You Have To Love Every Part Of you

You have to love every part of you, even that part about you which makes you doubt you. If there is a part of you which makes you doubt you, imagine you bringing that part of you over to you now. Let's make that part of you about you. This does not mean you are perfect, but it is your life, so you have to know you are worth it. If this thought is a challenge for you, lean into this resistance, knowing this thought will be quite easy, once you love every part of you. Whatever this part is to you, it is a part of you. This part of you can be improved or enhanced, in most cases. If your insecurity about this part stems from your story, or your trauma, I encourage you to embrace your trauma is you. It was never your fault what was done to you, but you have survived everything leading up to this moment. Survivors often leave a special part of them behind, when enduring trauma, but it is never too late to go back and pick it back up. I encourage you to imagine a mirror of you a head of you, but this mirror image of you is the Ideal You. You know, the You who you would love to be, if only things had gone the way you dreamed. It looks like you, but this you knows something you don't know. This you may appear stronger, leaner, smarter, and more confident. Maybe this you dresses better, communicates with potential partners with ease, and is able to set boundaries with toxic family and perceived friends. Maybe this you is intimidating to you, but guess what.....? It is you, so now, close your eyes and imagine yourself walking right into this mirror. This is you, and it is who you will become, when you are ready to embrace you and what you are capable of doing. You will find this so much easier, as you embrace the strength it took for you to get here. We no longer have to hold back on any part of us, due to trauma, knowing all parts align, as we embrace our trauma story is our story. We own the pages in this book, and we are here today. You are here today. Embrace you, and accept you are already the evolved version of you. Abundance may not be around you, yet, but once you are more and more accepting of who powerful you are, do believe you will struggle running away from having everything you want. Your abilities and talents have caught up to you. Embrace you, Love You, and be open to your evolution. Wherever there is resistance, there is a chance for your growth and evolution.

Embrace Your Amazing

This is not a typo. When you make it through a trauma maze, there is an amazing quality you learned. The tougher the maze, the stronger the quality. Trauma victims leave something behind, back in the maze, upon their abuse, and within a survivor's healing, he or she will be able to tap back into this hidden valuable resource. Survivors of severe trauma, stemming back from childhood, may have multiple mazes that must be solved, but the good news is he or she has already made it through each maze, for we have all survived everything we have ever faced, leading up to this moment right here. When someone endures childhood trauma, the maze of this trauma, if untreated, will carry into the next stage of the child's development, and this will carry all the way into adulthood. Never understanding what you have survived will lead to constant struggles with peers, family members, and within love relationships. Solving these mazes can take a great amount of work, but it well worth it, for the survivor will be able to tap into the deep strength it took for he or she to be here today. There are amazing qualities within the mazes, stored deep down, where the trauma took place.

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